Lisa is 32 and has been with her boyfriend for four and a half years. They live together, his family loves her, and they’ve been talking about marriage and kids for the past year. He’s kind, smart, funny, and financially stable—everything she wants in a partner, except in the bedroom. He’s selfish, never initiates foreplay, and only seems interested in penetration. Lisa struggles to orgasm and finds herself frustrated, often having to finish on her own after he falls asleep.
She feels used and fed up because he’s fine with her going down on him but rarely reciprocates, giving excuses like being tired. Discussing this with him in the past led to arguments, so she hasn’t dared to bring it up again. Lisa is worried that if she leaves him because of these issues, she might miss her chance to start a family.
Lisa’s concerns are valid, but the issues won’t go away on their own. It’s clear her boyfriend might lack confidence and feels insecure about his sexual technique. They need to have an honest, but caring conversation about their sex life outside the bedroom. Present it as a mutual problem that needs solving for both of their happiness and long-term relationship success.
She should convey how much she loves him and wants a lifetime together, but the sexual aspect needs improvement. This discussion might be tough, but it’s necessary. If talking face-to-face is too intimidating, Lisa could start with a letter and then follow up with a conversation.
Lisa and her boyfriend could benefit from seeing a sex therapist. While he might resist initially, she can start on her own, and he might join in later. A therapist could help them rebuild their sexual relationship from the basics, gradually improving their intimacy.
If he absolutely refuses to change or even acknowledge the problem, Lisa needs to decide if she’s willing to spend her life with someone who dismisses her needs. It’s important for her not to sacrifice a fulfilling sex life just because she’s worried about the ticking biological clock. She deserves both a family and a satisfying sex life, but achieving this requires courage and honesty.
